Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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