hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
