If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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