I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
