What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
