i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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