Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
