You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
