I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
my liver is dry heaving
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
