I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Floor bacon is actually really good
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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