He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize