someone threw a dead crab at me
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
