Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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