Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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