Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
