i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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