All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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