I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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