I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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