there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
COCAINE IS GR8
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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