If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize