i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
