A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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