Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
