Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
