32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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