Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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