Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
me + whiskey = a bad person
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
