Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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