Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
