His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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