im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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