Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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