fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
