Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
