Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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