So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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