How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
