i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Randomize
