Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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