it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
