I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
