My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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