You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I supernannyed him into submission
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
