Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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