You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
