I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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