I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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