Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
