so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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