have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
