If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
