i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
