I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
