booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
