Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
