Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
