Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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