Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
