worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
