tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
