i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
