Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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