the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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