all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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