Pants 0. Shit 1.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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