I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
