I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
