Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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