i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
