I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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