Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
