This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
