In the future we'll all be gay
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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