Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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