There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
