She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's just like the Real World with babies
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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