Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
